While contemplating this month’s Blog post, it occurred to me that my first in this series was written almost 9 months after my husband’s suicide. Nine months is the gestation period for human development and signifies incubation, evolution and emergence.
I hadn’t considered the significance of that timing. I was ready, at that roughly 9 month mark, to work again and to put myself out there in an authentic way.
Now, roughly 18 months post suicide, I’m ready to be done with this “Aftershocks” series. This is the second gestation period from which I’m grateful to be emerging. I feel as though I’ve been birthed into a better, stronger, more capable and kinder version of me.
We can’t have new beginnings without endings. While I wish certain endings had occurred differently, I’m grateful to be transitioning into the next cycle of my life and look forward with enthusiasm—incubation complete– for now. I am freed from the most recent womb of gestation.
As I stated in the first volume of this “Aftershocks” series, “In the grand scheme of things, that’s the simplicity of what has occurred for all of us these last 9 months. Moments in time strung together and defined as an experience”.
These last 2 gestation periods do not define me
I am not defined by my marriage or by my husbands’ suicide. These experiences have smoothed my rough edges and brought a depth of grace, compassion and knowingness of interconnection that is beyond anything I knew before.
They have taught me to embrace the vast ocean of my own strength, stretched my fixed boundaries into fluid response and blown open my heart into a boundless and inexhaustible reservoir of love and wonder.
I’ve used the term “Ground Zero” as a marker for the day of Bill’s suicide. I officially lay that to rest now and re-purpose that phrase for myself.
Today is Ground Zero for the story of my life—for the beginning for my new story. A new journey I am excited to create and embark upon.
Here’s to birthing our dreams and allowing life to unfold in its ever fluctuating beauty of beginnings and endings while choosing to stay awestruck and humbled.
In humble gratitude for this miracle called life,