Suicide Aftershocks VOL VI: Gestation, Endings & Beginnings. It’s Time I Write a New Story

While contemplating this month’s Blog post, it occurred to me that my first in this series was written almost 9 months after my husband’s suicide.  Nine months is the gestation period for human development and signifies incubation, evolution and emergence.

I hadn’t considered the significance of that timing.  I was ready, at that roughly 9 month mark, to work again and to put myself out there in an authentic way.

Now, roughly 18 months post suicide, I’m ready to be done with this “Aftershocks” series.  This is the second gestation period from which I’m grateful to be emerging.  I feel as though I’ve been birthed into a better, stronger, more capable and kinder version of me.

We can’t have new beginnings without endings. While I wish certain endings had occurred differently, I’m grateful to be transitioning into the next cycle of my life and look forward with enthusiasm—incubation complete– for now. I am freed from the most recent womb of gestation.

As I stated in the first volume of this “Aftershocks” series, “In the grand scheme of things, that’s the simplicity of what has occurred for all of us these last 9 months.  Moments in time strung together and defined as an experience”.

These last 2 gestation periods do not define me

I am not defined by my marriage or by my husbands’ suicide.  These experiences have smoothed my rough edges and brought a depth of grace, compassion and knowingness of interconnection that is beyond anything I knew before.


…his heart grew 3 sizes that day-Grinch


They have taught me to embrace the vast ocean of my own strength, stretched my fixed boundaries into fluid response and blown open my heart into a boundless and inexhaustible reservoir of love and wonder.



I’ve used the term “Ground Zero” as a marker for the day of Bill’s suicide.  I officially lay that to rest now and re-purpose that phrase for myself.


Today is Ground Zero for the story of my life—for the beginning for my new story.  A new journey I am excited to create and embark upon.

Here’s to birthing our dreams and allowing life to unfold in its ever fluctuating beauty of beginnings and endings while choosing to stay awestruck and humbled.


Osho Zen Tarot

In humble gratitude for this miracle called life,




“Fully Formed Nuggets” foolishness, my dog MacTavish and Elaine Dancing on Seinfeld

“Be independent of the good opinion of other people.”      ― Wayne Dyer

It’s Wednesday and my fabulous friend and neighbor who shall still remain nameless, (she says, “to protect the guilty”!), has just left after inspiring me once again to share.

We were engaged in yet another meaningful/meaningless conversation about spirituality and the importance of having someone to share with that won’t judge or hold you accountable to your opinion of the moment as they can so quickly change.  She mentioned a group she’s regularly involved in and how she feels that she will be judged and labeled, “If I don’t drop some fully-formed nugget”. 

Mac in the middle

Mac in the middle

The visual alone—having 6  dogs between us who regularly share space got me laughing and considering how our fear of appearing foolish and being judged many times stops us from being authentic  in the moment.

Dogs just don’t concern themselves with appearing foolish, being judged, or dropping fully formed nuggets for that matter!  MacTavish, my 2 year old rescue is a bit behind the curve when it comes to dog-like behavior, and only recently has had any success with lifting his leg to urinate and having actual urine stream forth.  Last week he started attempting the victory-kick-it-out maneuver with his hind legs that his pack mates excel at.  MacTavish, well…..not so much.  He looks incredibly uncoordinated and so ridiculous that as a human, first I enjoy the silliness at his expense, and then I almost feel sorry for him, wondering what all the other doggies are thinking!  He reminds me of Elaine on Seinfeld Dancing at the office party! 

Of course, I know this is absurd.  Animals teach us the value in action of naturally,”Being independent of the good opinion of others”, when amongst themselves.   MacTavish is happy learning how to victory-kick at his own pace and sharing it in his own unique way.

I am reminded that when we follow our true nature, live authentically and don’t worry about how we look or sound to anyone but ourselves, life is easier, fun and we might just positively impact others with our courage to share.  Bonus, if we can be silly and laugh at ourselves that lightens the world!

Joyfully, and with warmest aloha,

Kim and MacTavish

Dancing and “Stayin’ Alive”

I just put my feet in the air and move them around.
Fred Astaire

Ya just never know what’s going to move you.  A friend sent me the link to this YouTube video and I’m enthralled!  The effortless grace and ease the dancers convey makes me smile from ear to ear and feel happy to be alive every time I watch this. 

The collaborative effect of the original choreography, the Bee Gee’s passionate expression through their music and the editor who somehow decided to combine the two is a testament to how far reaching and inspirational sharing our gifts can be. 

The impact we have on others extends well beyond your human years (whether we are aware of it or not!) and the spin someone else might put on our original sharing can elevate that offering to an even higher level.

It’s a great reminder that regardless of our awareness and/or intention, we are always impacting the world around us so we might as well make our impact a positive one—whatever our gifts may be!

Joyfully and with warmest aloha,